Not wowwed

At least a part of me has a strong preference for politeness, good manners and the giving and receiving of respect. I use the words 'please' and 'thank you' when making requests; I greet strangers walking along the riverbanks to and from Durham City; when I see people examining a street plan of the city I ask them if they require guidance; I open doors for people. These courtesies are minor virtues that I expect of myself, and hope for from others.

Yet every day I am required to tolerate ill-mannered behaviour that is aimed directly at me. Young men and women call out to me insultingly because I have a beard. Track-suited parents turn away from me to talk to their children who then stand and stare at me as I walk past, giggling about what they have just be told. Men in their thirties driving white transit vans honk their horns at me as they drive past. Car passengers wind down a window in order to shout abuse at me, even though their words are lost on the wind. A passenger in a passing car threw an almost-empty drink can at me; on another occasion it was a lighted cigarette. On several occasions as I have walked along  shopping streets, local men and women in their twenties have yanked at my beard, and then stood laughing both with hilarity and challenging me to do something about it.. On two occasions middle-aged me, again people unknown to me, have approached me while I have been standing waiting in the Market Place, poked me in the stomach and asked: "When's it due?" The most upsetting and disturbing incident was when, only a hundred metres from my house, I was set upon and beaten by three young men who did not like the look of me.

A more benign part of me recognises that the person who I am means nothing to any of these people. I speculate about their life experiences that account for their ill-mannered, uncouth, sometimes yobbish and aggressive behaviour. It is clear in every instance that they are seeing someone they recognise as different from themselves. There have been two well-publicised examples (Shotley Bridge, Consett; and Redhouse, Sunderland) of local young men and women terrorising, assaulting and killing a person with a learning disability. In another well-publicised case (Darlington), several young men beat to death a well-known old man who was homeless. I am far from the only victim of loutish, sometimes brutal behaviour, singled out for being different. It is not only me who feels as though I am not given the respect of common courtesy. I suspect that the perpetrators do not respect themselves to any depth, and may not feel respected by others.

However, this cannot be the whole story, because to a person, every younger or older person, man or woman, who has behaved poorly towards me is white. I do not experience abuse of any kind from Black British or Asian British people.

Recently there was a tragic incident in which a London nurse ended her life because she was unable to bear the shame of public humiliation inflicted on her by the uncouth behaviour of two Australian radio presenters. "It was only a bit of fun," (just not for the person who was humiliated).

I feel disgust for a television advertisement that appears to revel in ill-mannered, uncouth behaviour. The advertisement is for a group discount product called Wowcher, in which a young woman behaves in a triumphantly uncouth manner stabbing at her food when attempting to eat sushi with chopsticks.

I found the following instructions on the web:
"Do not hold the chopsticks close to the end. The farther away your hands are from the food, the better. Do not stab food, as this is considered rude and/or an insult to the chef or cook who prepared the food."

I have much respect for Japanese ways, customs and manners, as well as a taste for Japanese (vegan) cuisine. During my visit to Japan a few years ago, I found no-one to be other than helpful, well-mannered and polite.

My impression is that the television advertisement intends to poke fun, not at the ineptitude of the young woman, but at 'foreign food and foreign eating habits', and to suggest the superiority of western values, ingenuity being implied for what is in fact uncouthness. I consider the advertisement to be offensive, and likely to appeal most to Little Englanders, assuming they were willing to eat sushi. I doubt that I am of the demographic at which the advertisers (and the product) are aiming.

To conclude: I dislike uncouthness, and in contrast with some facets of the culture currently prevailing in the UK and Australia, I refuse to celebrate them.